Among the Guilty
by queien
Summary: An offer of information on his nemesis Muraki is too hard to resist for Tsuzuki, so he travels to Kyoto on his day off, hoping that it's not some sort of trap. When he's asked to save Muraki, he doesn't know what to do, and the wrong choice can leave him among the guilty.
1. Chapter 1

When Tsuzuki's phone rang again in his pocket, he took it out, rejected the call from work, and then turned off his phone. No matter how badly he was needed back at the ministry, he couldn't afford any distractions right now.

He continued through the streets of Kyoto until he reached his destination: the famous and high-class restaurant known as Kou Kaku Rou. He stared at the sign, unmoving, as he debated walking away and reporting into work instead. After all, this reeked of a trap set by Muraki. He took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and then entered the establishment.

The place was surprisingly empty considering the time of day. Tsuzuki awkwardly glanced around the old-style restaurant until a girl dressed in a kimono approached him. "Can I help you, sir?" she asked, bowing.

"Ah, yes. Um, I'm looking for the owner," Tsuzuki said, stumbling over his words.

"Ah, the owner?" her eyes widened slightly. "Well, he's-"

"Right here." A man stood in a doorway that Tsuzuki hadn't noticed before. Everything about this man, from his appearance to his clothes to even the way he carelessly slouched against the doorframe made him seem laid back or even lazy. However, upon a closer look, Tsuzuki knew that his mannerisms were similar to a lounging cat that was still more than ready to spring into the air and pounce on some unsuspecting prey at a moment's notice.

"You're the one who called me out here, right?" Tsuzuki asked.

The other man nodded. "Come with me so we can talk somewhere more private," he said.

Tsuzuki hesitated for a moment, but eventually followed the man as he left through the doorway he had been standing in. After all, he had come this far already. He couldn't back out now.

"You can call me Oriya," the man said as he led Tsuzuki through a series of hallways. "As you already know, I'm a friend of Muraki's."

Though the letter that had summoned him had mentioned that, Tsuzuki still flinched upon hearing his enemy's name. "I know," he muttered.

"I'm surprised you actually came," Oriya continued as he led Tsuzuki into a room. "It was hard to write to you without sounding suspicious, especially since I had to mention my connections to someone who tried killed you." He settled onto the floor and gestured for Tsuzuki to do the same. Tsuzuki sat stiffly on his knees, not taking his eyes off Oriya.

"You promised to tell me secrets about Muraki. The offer was hard to turn down," Tsuzuki said. "Also, I wanted to know how you managed to send me that letter."

"I only offered you secrets about Muraki's past, not secrets like those," Oriya said. "Just remember that I'm friends with Muraki. I know many of the same things that he does."

That remark didn't make Tsuzuki more comfortable. "I'm kind of curious as to what sort of friend sells secrets to someone who wants to see him dead," Tsuzuki said.

Oriya's eyes widened for a moment, and then he looked away. Just as he opened his mouth to reply, two girls in kimono brought in two trays of food: light meals presented elegantly on fine laquerware. Tsuzuki eyed the meal before him suspiciously, longing to eat it but still worried that this meeting was some sort of trap. Oriya gestured for one of the girls to him with a wave of his hand and whispered in her ear. She then pulled away and bowed, and the two girls left together.

"I'll be honest," Oriya said after they had left. "The reason for this is because I have a favor to ask of you. I want you to save him."

"Save him?" Tsuzuki scoffed.

Oriya nodded and picked up his chopsticks. "This isn't the first time I've tried to sabotage Muraki in order to try to save him. After all, I did give the key card to his lab to the people who were looking for you." Tsuzuki's eyes widened, and Oriya glanced up in time to notice. "I take it they never told you that, then?" he said before taking a bite from his meal.

"No," Tsuzuki said. "No one has really talked about the events of that night."

"I'm not that surprised," Oriya said. "I did nearly kill the young blond one, so that's probably something they don't want to bring up." Tsuzuki clenched one fist and glared. Oriya continued, seeming not to notice Tsuzuki's reaction. "I was supposed to be a distraction sent to delay them. However, I soon realized how much you meant to them and gave up my key much earlier than planned. I hoped that, somehow, the events caused by my actions that night would change him. However, I was very, very wrong." Oriya took another bite from his meal. Tsuzuki sat still, internally seething with rage. Oriya calmly continued. "I know what Muraki did to him," he said. "The young boy. I know how he suffered at Muraki's hand. I hoped that I could reach him by telling him that Muraki suffered worse things. However, the fact that he didn't tell you anything about me says that he ignored my words. Such a shame."

"Why should I help you, after you've just told me all that?" Tsuzuki snarled, trembling in rage.

Oriya sighed and lowered his chopsticks. "You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you? I'm giving you a chance to save countless innocent lives. Muraki is too powerful. I doubt you'd be able to kill him any time soon. Giving him what he wants wouldn't work because I doubt you'd willingly sacrifice yourself for his benefit, and it probably wouldn't help him anyway. What he needs is for someone who can understand and sympathize with him to reach out to him. All of the files on him are encoded, altered, or erased, so there's no way you'll be able to learn about the real him without my help. He's twisted, crazy, and sadistic, yes, but in reality, he's just a wounded animal angrily lashing out at a world that beat him down. Muraki is just a product of his upbringing. I know that this doesn't excuse his actions, but a dog that bites becomes much easier to feel sympathetic toward after you see the conditions it was brought up in. I'd rather not put down this particular hound just yet, not without trying my hardest to save him first."

"I can't," Tsuzuki said. "I can't forgive him for what he's done."

"I'm not asking you to forgive him," Oriya said. "I'm asking you to save him. There's a difference." Oriya glanced up as one of the girls came back, a binder held in front of her. She knelt to set it at Tsuzuki's side and then stood again and left. Tsuzuki shot it a curious glance but then returned his attention to Oriya. "I'm sure this has been a lot for you to take in," Oriya said. "You're free to leave whenever you wish. I'd just like for you to take that with you and look through it when you have a chance. It would be nice if you'd be willing to help me. After all, it would work out favorably for both of us. He would leave you alone and stop killing, and I would have my friend back."

"What's in this?" Tsuzuki asked, picking up the heavy binder.

"His childhood," Oriya replied. "As I said, records of what he experienced are almost impossible to find. However, I lived through many of those experiences with him. I saved paper records of much that he went throuh. News articles, letters, pictures, I even snuck a look in his diary once and then later copied down everything I remembered. I did this in anticipation for something, although I was never sure what. At first, I thought it was in anticipation of a trial, yet even after his brother was killed without ever seeing any legal action against him, I still kept what I had collected and add new things to it. I now know why I saved these things, and that's why I'm giving you copies of everything. I know you say you refuse to help me, but please read that before making your final decision."

Tsuzuki stood, hugging the binder to his chest. "I'll read it. I doubt I'll end up seeing Muraki like you want me to see him, but either way, I'm sure something in here will help us stop him."

"If that's what you feel is best for him, then I won't stop you," he replied.

Tsuzuki shifted awkwardly, not sure what else to say, and then got up and left down the same hallway that he had entered through.

Once outside, he pulled out his phone and turned it back on. Instantly, his phone was flooded with missed messages from work. Before he could even check any of him, his phone went off again, startling him so badly that he almost dropped the bulky binder. He quickly composed himself before taking the call.

"Hello?" he said.

"Tsuzuki! Where the hell are you?! I've been trying to reach you for nearly half an hour!" Konoe shouted into the phone. Tsuzuki flinched.

"I'm sorry, chief. But I thought this was my day off, so-"

"Days off don't matter right now! This is serious! Muraki is back! Because you weren't around, I had to send Hisoka with Tatsumi and one of the Gushoshin twins, but you need to get here now!"

"Right! I'm on my way!" Tsuzuki hung up, shoved the phone into his pocket, and ran toward the train station. Although the sun was hot on his skin, the iciness of dread ran through his veins. The meeting hadn't been a trap; it had been a distraction. If anything happened to Hisoka, Tatsumi, or even the Gushoshin, Tsuzuki thought to himself, it would be all his fault for falling for such a stupid trick.


	2. Chapter 2

[[Thank you so much for your kind reviews and the follows! I'm really glad that people have liked this story so far.

After this chapter, there'll be one more chapter and then it'll be finished. This story was originally meant to be a one shot, but there was just so much going on and so many transitions that I decided it was easiest to just break it up. But breaking it up allowed me to easily add more detail into this story, so it's already almost twice as long as the draft was and will probably get even longer by the time the third chapter is finished.

Thanks again! Hope you enjoy!]]

When Tsuzuki had reached the ministry, he had thrown down the binder onto his desk and then rushed into Kanoe's office, apologies flowing from his lips. After being calmed and informed of the situation, Tsuzuki had been shepherded onto the helicopter he now rode on, en route to the last location the Gushoshin had made a report from.

The sky was growing dark, and a familiar red moon was rising. Tsuzuki clenched his fists in his lap and he gritted his teeth as he glared at it, his hatred for Muraki growing. There couldn't possibly be anything in that binder that was worth this risk to Hisoka and Tatsumi's lives. That bastard had led him on a wild goose chase, and it would be just as much his Muraki's fault for setting the trap as it was Tsuzuki's fault for falling for it. If he had been here, he could have dealt with Muraki himself. Now, Tatsumi was out there somewhere, fighting him. He wondered if Hisoka was fighting as well. He hoped not. Tsuzuki was sure that Muraki would make a point to hurt Hisoka if he dared try to stand up to him.

Guilt and panic chewed at Tsuzuki's gut as he anxiously chewed on his lip. He peered out the window, apprehensively scanning the darkened ground for any sign of his partner and his ex-partner. This should never have happened, Tsuzuki told himself. Muraki was definitely going to pay for all that he had done.

If it hadn't been for Muraki's draconic summon, Tsuzuki would never have noticed the battle unfolding below him. The helicopter circled once and then landed not far away, blades still whirling. Tsuzuki leaped out and sprinted toward the fight, summoning Suzaku as he ran.

As he drew closer, he noticed that Muraki and Tatsumi were locked in combat. Tatsumi darted skillfully around Muraki, dodging blasts from the tri-headed dragon while launching shadowy counterattacks that were effortlessly deflected by some sort of shield that cloaked Muraki. Although Tatsumi was maneuvering effortlessly, his coat was torn and a dark stain soaked the front of his shirt.

Tsuzuki announced his presence by blasting Muraki from behind with a burst fire from Suzaku.

Tatsumi jumped away, startled as the blaze struck, and then turned his attention to its source. "Tsuzuki," he panted. His fatigue seeming to suddenly catch up with him, Tatsumi clutched at where his jacket was torn.

"Tatsumi! Are you okay?" Tsuzuki called out.

"I'll be fine," Tatsumi replied. "I'm just winded."

Tsuzuki didn't believe him for a moment, but he didn't have time to say anything before the flames died down again, revealing an unharmed Muraki.

"How nice of you to join us, my dearest Mr. Tsuzuki," Muraki said with a smirk. Tsuzuki shuddered in revulsion. Muraki snapped his fingers, and his dragon hurled orbs of fire in Tsuzuki's direction.

Tsuzuki shot into the air, landing near Tatsumi, who shot a blast of shadows at Muraki right before Suzaku returned fire.

"Where's Hisoka?" Tsuzuki asked.

Tatsumi gestured vaguely behind him. "Back there," he called back. "He got hurt pretty bad, but Gushoshin is taking care of him. Still, we should probably end this as quickly as possible."

A sinking feeling filled Tsuzuki's gut as his nagging fears of Tatsumi and Hisoka being injured because of his own idiotic mistake had been realized. He swallowed hard as these feelings formed a rock in his stomach.

"Tsuzuki!" Tatsumi yelled in warning.

Tsuzuki snapped out of it just in time to dodge another oncoming missile.

"Stay focused, Tsuzuki," Tatsumi called. "I'm sure he'll be alright, but we need to take care of Muraki first!"

"Right," Tsuzuki said, trying his hardest to believe him.

"Keep his attention focused on you, alright?" Tatsumi said before darting off.

"Can do," Tsuzuki replied before muttering "shouldn't be too hard or anything." Tsuzuki turned his attention back to the fight, trying to keep the rampaging emotions inside him in check as he faced that smug bastard Muraki.

"I was just about to excuse myself when you showed up, Mr. Tsuzuki," Muraki said. "It's been so long since I've last seen you that I just had to stay a while longer. How about we catch up on lost time?" A grin played across his bloodless lips.

A jet of phoenix fire washed over him. When it died down, Muraki was unharmed. Even the grass at his feet was unscorched.

"You should learn to use your words," Muraki said. "A simple 'no' would have sufficed."

"Yeah, but you're not really the kind of person who respects consent, are you?" Tsuzuki snapped. The smoldering fires began to consume the untouched grass at Muraki's feet.

Muraki chuckled. "I suppose you're right." He snapped his fingers, and his dragon let loose with another attack that Tsuzuki effortlessly dodged. "You know, while it has been nice to see your lovely face once again, I think I've reached my limits for play time," Muraki said. "Now, if you'll excuse me..." Muraki pulled his coat in tight around him and started to fade away.

"Oh no you don't!" Tsuzuki yelled. His words were punctuated by another burst of flame from Suzaku. Whatever spell Muraki had been attempting was disrupted as he brought up his shield once more. When the flames faded, he attempted to depart once more when spears of shadow erupted from the ground, piercing him through the back. The spears faded back into the umber, and great swatches of red bloomed across the white of his jacket. Muraki's eyes widened in surprise and then darted wildly, seeking the one who had attacked him. When he finally spotted Tatsumi, he glared and rallied his dragon for another attack, but Suzaku was faster.

Right before the flames hit, Muraki turned to Tsuzuki, giving him a look of betrayal and lust that made Tsuzuki want to vomit. The flames then consumed him, and he was gone.

Before the fires died, Tsuzuki turned and raced to where Tatsumi had said Hisoka was. He could hear Tatsumi behind him, calling out to him, but he couldn't stop. He didn't dare wait. He needed to know that Hisoka was alright.

The red of the moon was fading now, but something up ahead was still basked in red. When Tsuzuki realized the extent of the blood, he stopped, stumbling as his breath caught in his throat.

The hole cleaved through Hisoka's broken body had splattered so much blood everywhere that Tsuzuki wasn't sure if there was any left keeping Hisoka alive. The boy's slender chest didn't seem to be rising and falling. As Tsuzuki stared, countless similar scenes flashed through his mind's eye, each twisted body overlaying itself over Hisoka's crumpled form.

His body began to tremble and then collapsed with a helpless sob. He heard voices – Tatsumi's and the Gushoshins, though they sounded distant and muffled – and a whirling sound that he couldn't make sense of.

All he knew was that, just like all the others, this was all his fault.


	3. Chapter 3

Fighting back the need to sleep, Tsuzuki sat by the occupied hospital bed and watched Hisoka's slender chest rhythmically rise and fall. He could hardly believe that it had already been two days since that battle against Muraki. It had felt like forever. Tsuzuki had spent his days by Hisoka's side, waiting for him to regain consciousness, and his nights at home blaming himself and worrying. Such a routine didn't exactly make time fly.

Tsuzuki leaned back in his seat, staring up at the ceiling and blinking. Hisoka was only alive now thanks to his impressive healing abilities. However, even with his healing powers, he still hadn't woken up. Tsuzuki closed his eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I should have been there to protect you."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Tsuzuki," came a voice from behind him. Tsuzuki jumped and whipped around in his seat.

"T-Tatsumi," he stuttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to check in on the two of you," Tatsumi replied, smiling gently at Tsuzuki.

Tsuzuki eyed Tatsumi's suit. "Are you sure you should go back to work so soon?" Tsuzuki asked.

"I wasn't hurt that badly," Tatsumi replied. "I'm free to go back to work today. Speaking of which, you should probably go back to work soon yourself. I heard you've been skipping."

"What's even the point of going back to work if I don't have my partner?" Tsuzuki muttered.

Tatsumi opened his mouth as though to say something, closed it again, and then sighed and pushed up his glasses. "I know you're worried about him," Tatsumi said. "And I know you blame yourself for what happened. But if anything, this was all my fault. The moment I saw that bastard, I couldn't help but attack him. If I hadn't been so rash, Hisoka wouldn't have been hit by Muraki's counterattack. So stop blaming yourself and blame me if you have to."

"If I'd been there-" Tsuzuki started, but Tatsumi cut him off.

"There's still no way you would've known that Muraki would have done something like this on your day off, alright?"

Tsuzuki was tempted to mention where he had gone and why, but just thinking about his idiotic blundering into that obvious distraction was getting himself worked up again.

Tatsumi waited for a reply, but then sighed when Tsuzuki was just silent. "At the very least, can we agree to blame Muraki?"

Tsuzuki struggled to swallow the lump in his throat. "Is... is he really dead?" He asked.

Tatsumi shrugged. "The last thing I heard, they had found a body at the scene. They're currently testing it to see if it's really him, but it's hard to say for sure. According to your reports, he's awfully good at faking his death in order to escape."

"Yeah, but he hasn't left a fake body behind yet." Tsuzuki said dismissively.

"True. It wouldn't be good to get your hopes up too high in this situation," Tatsumi said.

"Right." Tsuzuki sighed and leaned back in his seat. He then sat forward with a lurch as he remembered something. He stared at where Hisoka's bare chest peeked through the gown he wore, and saw that it was bare. Muraki's marks were gone.

"Tsuzuki? Are you alright?" Tatsumi asked.

"Yeah," Tsuzuki said. "I'm just pretty sure that he's dead."

"How?" Tatsumi asked.

Tsuzuki remembered how secretive Hisoka had been regarding those marks, only sharing them with him to prove that Muraki had truly survived Touda's fires, so he wasn't sure Hisoka would appreciate him sharing their existence with anyone else, even if they had faded. "It's just a feeling," Tsuzuki said with a shrug, leaning back in his chair again.

"I see," Tatsumi said, tone slightly skeptical. "Anyway, I should head to work. If you're feeling up to it, you should come along too. At the very least, you should go home and rest. You look like you're about to pass out."

"I'm fine," Tsuzuki insisted. "I'd rather be here with him in case he wakes up, but I'll at least walk you to the office."

Tatsumi smiled warmly. "I'd appreciate that," he said. "But I'm sure he'd prefer it if you were taking better care of yourself." He turned and started out of the room. Tsuzuki got up and followed him, hesitating briefly at the door to take one last look back at Hisoka's sleeping form before joining Tatsumi in the hallway.

"Don't use him to guilt me, Tatsumi," Tsuzuki muttered.

"I'm not," Tatsumi replied. "I'm using him to try to keep your self destructive behaviors to a minimum."

"You're still using him," Tsuzuki sighed. "You know," Tsuzuki said after a short silence. "I'll probably just come right back here after I walk you over there."

"That's fine," Tatsumi replied. "I'd prefer that you go home and rest, but really, I'm just glad you're finally taking a break and leaving the room when visiting hours are still in effect. It's not good for you to sit there and sulk for so long."

"I'm sort of surprised you're not pressuring me to work," Tsuzuki said. "I'm the only one who wasn't hurt in that fight."

"Well," Tatsumi answered with a grin. "We don't have to pay you if you aren't working."

Tsuzuki flinched, having completely forgotten about his paycheck. "Er, well, maybe I could put in a few hours this morning," he muttered.

"Don't be ridiculous, Tsuzuki," Tatsumi replied. "You'd be too distracted to focus on your work. Anyway, you should really just go home and get some rest, alright?"

"This is a total change! Just a little while ago, you were worried about me skipping work!" Tsuzuki protested.

"I said you needed to come back soon, not right away." Tatsumi said. He placed a hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder. "Seriously, though. Go home and rest for at least today. I'm sure the Chief will be understanding. You can come back to the hospital tomorrow. Just trust the doctors to do their jobs in the meantime. Okay?"

"I'll try," Tsuzuki grumbled.

Tsuzuki walked with Tatsumi all the way to the Summon's Section. As Tatsumi went to Chief Konoe's office, Tsuzuki turned to leave but was stopped when he saw that white binder on his desk, still exactly where it had landed as he had hastily tossed it during his frantic dash to Konoe's office. Fresh rage filled him, and for a brief moment he considered throwing it away. Instead, he picked it up and flipped it open. Part of him was curious as to what sort of mocking messages taunting his stupidity were inside.

However, everything was as Oriya had described. Pictures, news articles, and writings on everything from Muraki's childhood to young adult life filled the binder. The rage left Tsuzuki as he sat down at his desk to read its contents. Soon, he was filled with repulsion at what he saw. The few pages he had read already showed a clear pattern of severe abuse, trauma, and neglect, yet countless pages remained.

A pang of guilt suddenly shot through him and he realized with horror that Oriya had been right. With this knowledge, it was possible to feel pity for Muraki, to sympathize even without forgiving. In fact, ideas were already coming to him that may have been able to stop Muraki without killing him. If only he had read the contents of the binder sooner...

The door to Chief Konoe's office opened again and Tsuzuki jumped, shut the binder hurriedly, and looked up. Tatsumi blinked at him in surprise. "Tsuzuki? I thought you'd have left by now," he said.

"Right." Tsuzuki said. He tucked the binder under his arm and stood. "I was just leaving. See you later, Tatsumi!" He rushed out the door and down the hall. Once he left the building, he slowed his pace and glanced down at the binder.

Had it truly been a distraction?

Tsuzuki thought back to that day. He remembered how work had begun calling him long before his appointed meeting. He then recalled that the meeting time had been rather awkwardly situated between two train times. If he took the early train, he would have been drastically early, but taking the second option would have made him slightly late. Not wanting to miss out on this chance of information on his arch nemesis, Tsuzuki had chosen the out-of-character route and decided on the earlier train. He doubted that Muraki would have made such a gamble like that on such an unreliable person. In fact, Muraki didn't seem like the kind of person who'd place the meeting time between two train arrivals like that. Muraki seemed more like the meticulous type who would've have thoroughly researched the train times before sending out the invitation.

There was no way that Muraki could've had any hand in this.

It hadn't been a trap after all.

Tsuzuki walked until the ministry was far behind him and then summoned Suzaku to burn the binder in its entirety. He didn't need to see anymore. He already knew that he had failed more people than just Tatsumi and Hisoka that day. More than that, he couldn't risk anyone else at the ministry stumbling upon this information. Tsuzuki knew that he needed to be the only shinigami who knew the truth.

He would shoulder this burden alone.

* * *

[[I usually don't do author comments at the end because I feel like it ruins the finality of the piece, but I wanted to talk about my inspirations a little bit.

A while back, a hypothetical situation came into my head. "If Muraki were in a life-or-death situation where Tsuzuki was the only one who could save him, and if Tsuzuki knew that Muraki was redeemable, would Tsuzuki save his life?" It was a surprisingly hard question to answer. While Tsuzuki is a bit of a bleeding heart, he also hates Muraki a lot, so there's a chance he'd just let Muraki die because Muraki deserves it. This led to another question: "If Tsuzuki let Muraki die in the previous situation, how much guilt would he feel, if any?" That one was pretty easy to answer. I was pretty certain that the guilt would gnaw at him for the rest of his unlife.

These two questions eventually ended up becoming the foundation for Among the Guilty. However, I did change parts from the original scenario, like that he was merely told that Muraki was redeemable (and didn't really believe it) instead of knowing it as a fact. I just couldn't figure out how Tsuzuki would act in that exact situation. I'd love to hear people's theories, though. I don't know if anyone's written a fic on that exact scenario yet, but if one exists, I'd love to read it!

And thanks again, Experimental, for your review. I hope you've enjoyed the final chapter. ^^]]


End file.
